Tag: Depression

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When heaven is silent.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray! I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now. Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me? Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion? Psalms‬ ‭77‬:‭4‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The psalmist, Asaph, records this Psalm while Daniel was in the midst of Babylonian captivity. As you can see, the author was under great distress over the state of the nation of Israel and left with a ton of unresolved questions. These types of psalms are raw, unfiltered, yet for the reader’s sake, find a commonality in suffering.

Praying to God, begging God for sleep, kindness, love and to follow through with His promises. We have the advantage of history and the whole story, but for folks that lived through the 70 year experience- it must have been a nightmare to find God when heaven was silent.

The psalmist asks questions that many people ask when going through difficult times. Has God rejected me? Will I ever see good times again? Is God’s love, His presence, mercy, grace and compassion GONE? When one is in the dark, it is so thorough, so permeating that it feels like it will never end. This is the shadowed world of darkness, the desert fathers and mothers post New Testament termed it, “the dark night of the soul.” And many of them concluded that God invites some into this season. Jesus faced similar, the Apostle Paul was blinded for three days and spent a month out in the desert sorting out his soul. It looks frightening and most I know would think it crazy to be in a situation like this let alone take up God’s beckoning to go willingly. Yet, we all know folks who are suffering. Those who have been given a death diagnosis, those who have lost everything, those who feel lost and abandoned.

I was just reading Job yesterday, not an easy book nor life lesson to comprehend. Job suffered immensely and survived heaven’s silence. Did God reject the psalmist? Was God’s love lost forever? Did God’s promises fail or did He forget to be gracious? No, No, No and No. But it was so real and lasted long enough for the psalmist to lose sleep and run out of words to express the deep trauma he felt.

We are promised in so many places in God’s Word that we are never far from His presence, and there is no place on earth where one could hide from Him. David declared that even in the valley trail that leads between the mountains of Israel, a canyon so deep and long that some places never see the sun. When one walks through this valley of shadows taking on the appearance of death, that one should fear no evil, because God’s shepherd’s rod and staff are still very much with us. Thou art with me! It’s the most important lesson to learn! In Psalm 139:11-12, “I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” The truth to hold onto is that Heaven may be silent for the night, but God’s presence is very much near and very much real. The sun will rise again. And the Son did rise from death’s darkness! May joy come to you in the morning! Ps. 30:5.

Prayer

Dad,
I have been in some very dark moments, terrifying, soul shattering situations. Yet, even though I sat in the long lingering of night and darkness that felt like it would not end, I never felt alone. Quite the opposite! I physically felt your comfort. Your peace was palpable even when I could not sleep and words did fail. The sheer panic of feeling trapped and left with no options, was unnerving. I held on to you and you held me tight. You were with me in the darkness. Thank you for your everlasting presence. Thank you for your mercy to carry me when I felt like I was drowning in darkness. You are so good to me. Amen.

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Tis the Season

Reading Time: 3 minutes

”Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.“ Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Solomon writes about his experiences with being one of the wisest human beings of all time. And, he does so in this beautifully written genre known as wisdom literature. Wisdom literature is concerned with the application of truth (from creation and the Law) to daily life and choices. Chuck Swindoll writes, “The title “Ecclesiastes” comes from a Greek word indicating a person who calls an assembly, so it makes sense that the author identified himself as the ‘preacher’.”

In this famous chapter, Solomon reflects on seasons, poetically posturing this phrase, “A time to…” ”For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven,” ‭(3‬:‭1‬). Then Solomon lists the most common highs and lows of life itself. Fourteen contrasting circumstances of what it means to be human and to live the human life. The powerful lesson, seasons come and go… they don’t stay forever! The extreme highs of harvesting, healing, laughing, dancing, embracing and loving are countered by NORMAL seasons quite opposite. Hard seasons of planting, war, crying, grieving, pushing away and even hating are just as much a part of the spectacular life we get to live. Yeah, no one likes or celebrates crying, quitting, throwing out, walking away, or tearing down. But maybe we should recognize, life here on earth, even with all its wonder and beauty is still considered to be the “dark planet” because of our sin the effects of humans desiring to have their own way.

I do not celebrate war, the loss of life and the devastation of cities or entire countries. But, I can be grateful that war is not forever. Just to give a proper perspective, the longest recorded war is human history was the Reconquista war lasting 781 Years! It was fought by Spanish and Portuguese forces against the Muslim rulers of the Iberian Peninsula. The shortest war, on the list of top ten, the Mexican Indan Wars refer to a series of conflicts between Spanish conquerors and the indigenous peoples of Mexico and the surrounding areas lasted almost a half millennium (414 years)! We make the mistake of stereotyping countries and people groups believing they are the epitome of warmongering! Wars have always existed, but they don’t eclipse the entirety of human experiences on this planet. Truth, as long as there is sin, there will be war! The Psalmist declares that God is the only one who will bring peace and put an end to all wars – Psalm 46:9. Yea God!!!

We live in seasons of good and bad, easy and hard, hilariously joyous and grievously sad. This is the human experience! If you are in a bad season, know this truth, it will not LAST. If you are living high on life and wondering when the “other shoe” will drop – stop ruminating and just enjoy the season of good, without ruining it by looking for bad.

When we are in a good season, we should thank God and celebrate. When we are in a bad season, we can still thank God – not for the circumstances, but for his grace, mercy and comfort. The silver lining, if we are savvy, we’ll grow and appreciate more in seasons of struggle by asking “what have I learned,” after coming through it. And God’s honest truth – you will come through it…don’t give up!

Prayer

​Dad,
I have seen you active and working in all the seasons of my life! Even in the darkest, hardest times, you were with me and I knew I was not alone. Even in the overwhelming emotions of crushing fear, you were holding me in the comfort of your presence. I will never forget those moments. Thank you for the high seasons of joy, but thank you also for the moments of peace in the depths of despair. I am not alone, YOU are with me.

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What God sees.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭9‬:‭36‬-‭38‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Matthew gives us a front row seat to understand the character of Jesus – which IS the character of God. He writes, “when he saw the crowds.” When Jesus sees, it lets me know what God sees. When Jesus is moved with compassion, it lets me know that God is moved with compassion. Is God still moved as He sees the crowd? Matthew tells us that Jesus saw the crowds as confused and helpless.

He used a couple of Greek words that may help us understand just how Jesus/God saw their pain. He uses a word that comes from “skulló” which means to skin, or figuratively to trouble. That’s right, the root word is “skylon” which is the word for skinning an animal pelt – properly, skin alive, mangle (flay)! Figuratively, to harass, or extremely annoy. The New Living Translation couldn’t possibly capture being “skinned alive” with the word “helpless.” Life with all its turmoil of political, societal and personal struggles gets EXHAUSTING! People felt it then and we all feel it now.

Matthew also used the word, “rhiptó,” to throw or cast off. This word is often used to describe throwing something down, like Judas throwing the silver coins down at the chief priests in the temple. Or, the demon throwing the man to the ground as Christ cast it out. Jesus saw the crowd and felt the gut wrenching pain of compassion (splagchnizomai).

The crowds were made up of more than just physically sick, blind, crippled or deaf – they all had the weight of this broken world on their shoulders. Jesus says this is what the harvest field looks like! This is where the seeds of sin and selfishness, loneliness and sufferings have come to fruition and are ready to be harvested to heaven or let to rot, falling to the field of death and destruction. Jesus saw humanity’s grief as opportunity to disperse mercy and grace. But it would require more of his followers to see what he saw. And, more of his disciples to feel what he felt so that more would be saved from being flayed and tossed down. Jesus obviously wants believers, his followers, to look at crowds and see differently. To see protesters, rioters, concert-goers, stadium sports fanatics at a much deeper level. I drive my city streets and see the crazed, naked, ranting madness and feel so helpless to do anything. What would Jesus see? What would he have me do? What does sending “workers” into our modern fields of ripe-chaos look like today? I do not know, but I am curiously challenged to figure it out.

Prayer

Dad,
I feel like such a chicken when I see the overwhelming craziness of our streets, our looters, our protesters. When I saw the woman screaming and ranting while I was at lunch with a Pastor friend, I did not know what to do. She was completely out of her mind! I would like to just say she was mentally ill, but it looked and sounded so much more demonic than just being sick! I do not think you would have hesitated to go and heal her of whatever it was that caused such torment in her. I could only muster enough compassion to feel sorry for her! Why can’t I be one of those workers you look for? Fear? Not wanting to look stupid or like some kind of religious freak myself? Oh, how I need your boldness beyond my compassion! If I were you, I would not have hesitated at all. However, even though I see…I am still just me!

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What can people do to me?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in people. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118‬:‭5‬-‭9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalm 118 opens with David’s bold declaration of trust – “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” He had decided to center on who God is and what God wanted to accomplish, not the whirlwind of threats, intentions and plans of his enemies.

After the prophet Nathan had blown up David’s life, confronting him for his triple atrocities – rape, murder and coverup. God then deconstructed his faith, judging him and stripping him of the promises God had made to him when he was a younger man. These Psalms are the rebuilding and reconstruction of a whole new life. Yet, even with this fresh start there were consequences that followed David until the end of his life.

Along with this declaration, came the familiar sense of how powerful God’s will is and how weak are the constant veiled threats of people. Why do we listen to people compared to listening to God? It’s a common, flawed theme, in our lives! David writes out his process that is worth emulating. “In my distress I prayed to the Lord.” Again, how many times do I need to be reminded to go to God FIRST? We hear it, we are quick to encourage others to do it. But why do we wallow and wander in our hearts and ruminate in our minds when it looks like bad things may be heading our way?

David’s answer came quickly, “the Lord answered and set me free.” Wait? Did the threats stop? Did his enemies stop mocking? Did his own family situation just suddenly resolve? No, no and no. Circumstances did not change. David’s perspective, conviction and confidence changed! “The Lord is with me, so I will have no fear.” Then David scripts one of the most powerful narratives in the Bible, “what can man do to me?” NIV translates it, “what can mere mortals do to me?” The Hebrew text says, “What can adam (mankind) do?” Yahweh (Yhvh) is on my side! It is better to take refuge in and trust in Yahweh than people or princes.

David in his very natural, normal process of being confronted by his own sin and failures as a man, a husband and a global leader, decided to receive both consequences AND forgiveness. He begins the slow progress of reconstructing his faith and his life. This is extremely hard to do, right? If you don’t think so then maybe you have not blown your life up and watched the shattered pieces of friends and families have to rebuild their trust in you. David didn’t stay down, he didn’t continue to roll around in the gutter of his past. When God offered a hand to pull him out of the pit of despair, discouragement and depression, David took that hand and let God lift him. No, God didn’t not let him off easy for his sins. David paid dearly through massive loss of his sons and family integrity. Yet, God gave him a chance, a do-over. Psalm 118 is a great model of active repentance and rebuilding a life with God.

Prayer

Dad,
Whew. What a rough read. To go from a happy, singing shepherd boy to giant killer to a global leader. Then, with all that power, wealth and opportunity, to see David cave to his long-battled, selfish lust and desires is so gut-wrenching. He knew better, he should have behaved better, but he didn’t and I’m not beyond making those stupid, selfish mistakes myself. Yet, in your mercy and massive long-suffering, you gave him another chance to get it right. Even then, David had to go through the consequences and climb out of his own darkness and depression to let you forgive and help rebuild his life. Thank your for your mercy and patience over me. I never want to take it for granted.

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The haunting darkness of depression.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: “May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.” Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”” ‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭19‬:‭1‬-‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The big showdown between God’s representative and Baal’s representatives had taken place, the odds 850 to 1. The living God verses dead stone and stick carvings. God consumed the entire contest altar with fire. It turns out Ahab wasn’t the power broker for behind the scenes, it was actually his wife, Jezebel. She had risen to power controlling the nation and all the false prophets who were committed to worshipping fake gods. Ahab arrives home telling her that all her puppet prophets were dead. Commentators say that Elijah killed 850 (400 prophets of Asherah and 450 prophets of Baal ) wiping out Jezebel’s entire elite religious guard. She sends out the “hit” order, the threat – Elijah will be dead in 24 hours. Even after this major showdown win with incredible odds against him, this one threat from the most wicked woman in history, rattles him and Elijah runs. He disappears into the wilderness and finds himself exhausted, depressed and suicidal. Elijah experiences the lowest of lows and the very dark, crushing moment where he believes it is all over, he’s done and his life will end like all others who oppose the wickedness of the queen. Have you been there, in darkness and depression?

The verses following this story capture a slow but sweet process of restoration, administered by angels. This is a very modern prescription for depression today – “get up and eat.” Elijah ate, drank and then slept some more. Then the angel of the Lord (a phrase attributed to Jesus Himself, showing up in the Old Testament) touched him and encouraged him to eat again. In depression’s dark shadows, one often loses a desire to eat, drink and physically move around. Elijah takes a very long trip, ending up in a cave, still running from the threat of Jezebel. We see the echos of king David running from Saul, fearing for his life. These two stories in these two chapters, one of victory, the other of crippling fear are all to common experiences to anyone who is obediently following God and working to accomplish His will and plans. The fight, the war against evil and against the agents of evil used by the satan, is very real, very dangerous and very exhausting. Many have won a battle only to lose in the aftermath of threats and fears that follow. Jezebel was not able to keep her threat. In fact Jezebel was pushed out of her own castle window by her own protective guards. She splattered on the courtyard below and left for wild dogs to eat her, just as it was foretold. 2 Kings 9:30-32. In a stunning reversal of the Jezebel threat, Elijah never did die! God took him, alive and riding a fiery chariot into the sky.

Prayer

Dad,
Before my own brief experience with deep depression, I used to read this story and was confused about how things could turn so quickly from victory to defeat with just a word from this wicked woman. After going through several days of the worst experience of my life and feeling the numbness and despair, no will, no desire to do anything, I now understand. Those moments still haunt me. I am so thankful for your supernatural mercy and grace to not only wrap your peace around my soul, but gently lead me out of the darkness and back into the light. May you ever be close to those who are suffering similar.

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What can mere mortals do? A LOT!

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me? My enemies will retreat when I call to you for help. This I know: God is on my side! I praise God for what he has promised; yes, I praise the Lord for what he has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?” Psalms‬ ‭56:3-4, 9-11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

David, with promises of a future in his head, faces his daily routine of running for his life in this season. This chapter has such a unique heading, “To the tune of ‘A Dove on Distant Oaks’. When the Philistines had seized David in Gath.” I think this is when David feigned crazy and it worked!

Here’s the thing, David not only faces his fears, he lists them, writes about them and walks us through how he processes those feelings. Currently, the phrase for these ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) is “name it to tame it!” Get it out in the open before God and deal with it instead of letting it bounce around in our head causing all kinds of havoc!

I’ve written about David’s emotionally honest prayers and how effective they are to read and ride those crummy circumstances all the way down to the bottom and let David’s words of truth about God’s character lift us back up again.

David uses this phrase about “mere mortals” twice! So, what can mortals, man or flesh do to us? They can attack, hurt, lie about, tear down and erode the way we think. One powerfully placed NEGATIVE question can cause me to spin-cycle and doubt my effectiveness and worth for days! I hate it!

David’s ability to reframe, not just his circumstances, but his views of God are CRITICAL to stopping the blame-shame game in my head. Dave also repeats the most important phrase in this passage, “I trust in God.” I TRUST in God.

PRAYER:

Dad,
This is a big struggle for me. I can go for days or weeks with no battles, real or mental. But then, when they come, man they are fierce. And, they are so hard to shake. I am getting better at recognizing how powerful these mental struggles are, but I am slow to take them to you, speak them out and let you help me kick them out of my head and replace them with truth about who you are!