Tag: Proverbs

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Common sense got cancelled.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace. They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble. You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭21‬-‭26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And, uncommon sense (foolishness) is now king. Oh, I’m not worried about the fact that only a tiny minority believe and try to live out this rejection of all authority and replace it with anarchy and whatever seems right or feels good at the time. My concern is that all the major influencers in our society (TV, streaming, socials, podcasts and news driven by advertisers) are pumping out lies suggesting that these self-driven “free” expressions are now the cultural norms.

Proverbs gives us this “sound” wisdom and judgment or discernment as THE keys to a good life. This Hebrew word, tushiyyah (wisdom), is a “successful” abiding wisdom. A life represented by jewels (financially sound), safety, deep sleep with happy REMS and the absence of constant fear. Sounds peaceful right?

Yet the anti-principled life, lacking common sense and clear thinking would also be true. Uncommon senses leads to a bad life, filled with trinkety costume jewelry (debt), fear, insomnia and constant anxiety that something terrible is about to happen. Yeah, anti-wisdom (foolishness) breeds depression and restlessness!

Proverbs being a book of principles means that these are the scenarios we get to choose; wisdom or foolishness. I’ll tell you what is NOT taught in public schools, especially to the young – wisdom and basic good principles for life. Of course education used to be based on a completely different moral foundation, the Bible. Now, the moral underlying platform is authenticity of SELF.

Young men and women need wisdom more than ever before. I believe they crave it, look for it and would love to see it modeled in their parents. Sadly, many parents are still trying to find themselves and have little time or interest in guiding their own children. The prevalent parenting advice is to let the children guide themselves. Why would parents project their own beliefs, morals or behaviors onto their children’s little self-defined souls? Doesn’t that sound like uncommon sense? Parents are SUPPOSED to guide their children! Proverb’s principles tells us that wisdom, seen in common sense and discernment, will lead to a good life for a child!

Prayer

Dad,
You and I both know my parents tried to do right, tried to be good parents. But all five of them just couldn’t pull it off. Long before I knew you, I had a creepy sense that if I found a way to live OPPOSITE of my own parents decisions, there might be a chance that I would make it. I thought that as a kid! What child should have to seek a good model that is opposite of their parents? I love my moms and dads (well not psycho Ben), but I know I would not have survived without you. My heart aches for children having to raise and parent themselves in this culture of “freedom” and self-authenticity. They need you! Help us Oh God! Pour our your Spirit and save us and our children!

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The sweet spot of wisdom – decision making

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

These simple verses could be the synopsis for the entire book of wisdom. My mistake was thinking it was just for youth, just for late teens, early twenties. Once I got going in life; graduated college (first ever in my family), got married, had a child and settled into my calling from God to be a Pastor, I would be able to take things from there.

These verses were never meant to be a fortune cookie saying. I only thought the hard decisions were about getting started in life or at super big crossroads. I did not think of sustaining a godly life by continually trusting God, ignoring circumstantial signs and seeking His will. Oh silly young Padawan!

Robin and I both have had multiple missteps, life-altering moments and decision points since our youth. And, although I had memorized this verse and mentally quoted it at the start, I somehow had it hardcoded to our beginnings. And, I made the mistake of ONLY associating these verses with big life decisions, when clearly there are daily applications in them. Let’s put it this way, I STILL must trust. I still must ignore the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). I still must seek God’s will in everything. With every decision pondered in prayer. Then with every conviction of faith, I must look for the path that God wants me to take. After that, it’s just about standing on that decision, confident that God has not and will not mislead me!

For example: With most of my people judgements I use the decision tree template of love. If I am to push my way in, wading into the muck and mire of the mess we get ourselves into, I have to decide if love requires that I enter into someone’s personal space to help. I ask, “What is my motive here?” Because if it’s to gain or spitefully be right, then it’s not love. Then I ask, “Am I willing to see this all the way through?” Because if I don’t count the cost, I may flake out when it gets really hard or expensive. Then I have to confront myself by asking, “What if I’m wrong?” I am talking about being wrong to get involved, butting in, throwing myself under the bus! If I make it through the mental flowchart and I get the go ahead, I quietly whisper, “For Christ and His love!” and with Paul’s words to the churches in Ephesus (Eph 4:15) – I go for it. I can definitely add these verses as a pre-checklist prayer as well.

I plan to tattoo these verses on my brain so I can quickly access them everyday.

Prayer

Dad,
Remember how many times I cried and quoted these verses in my teens and early twenties? I was scared out of my mind! I was desperate to do right. I felt ill equipped and awkward making big life, adulting kinds of decisions. You were the only one listening! You were the only one I could trust. I kind of miss that desperation. I also remember having one of those MAJOR crossroads moments when I was forty. I felt like I was completely changing my calling not just careers. You were and are so faithful to answer, to lead and guide. I am so grateful for your kindness and patience with me.

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Wisdom Benefits

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“So follow the steps of the good, and stay on the paths of the righteous.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

There are many benefits that come with getting, gaining wisdom. Chapter two lists a few of them.

Wisdom gives us understanding of what it means to fear the Lord and knowledge of God. It guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful. It helps us understand what is right, just, and fair, and how to find the right way to go. Wisdom watches over us and keeps us safe. It can save us from evil people, from immoral people. Proverbs specifically mentions immoral women, but we know that there have always been promiscuous and immoral men as well.

Then, coming to a conclusion about these ideas, Proverbs mentions that wisdom helps us follow the steps of the good and stay on the paths of the righteous! This is quite a list of wisdom’s benefit package when you not only look for her, but follow her advice.

I need a constant reminder that wisdom is Jesus personified in Proverbs. The whole idea is that “getting” Jesus, hearing and obeying Jesus is getting wisdom. Jesus IS the wisdom of God. Following the steps of Jesus and staying on that narrow path (door or gate) through Him is the way to great life and an even greater eternity with God. You get the benefits by staying close to the Savior!

Prayer

Dad,
I am a big fan of wisdom. I lacked it growing up and needed it desperately as a teen and young adult. Now I see the benefits of everything Proverbs says and more! My pursuit, however, is not over. I need lean in, listen and be more astute to obedience than ever before. The wisdom that got me to this point, will carry me on into my future. I am grateful for Godly wisdom! It has definitely SAVED my life.

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Wisdom speaks her mind.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“When they cry for help, I will not answer. Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me. For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord. They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way, choking on their own schemes. For simpletons turn away from me—to death. Fools are destroyed by their own complacency. But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1‬:‭28‬-‭33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It does not help that just before I read this passage out of Proverbs I watched a news clip about a famous group of “influencers” trashing a 10 million dollar home in Hollywood Hills (I flipped on the tele just for a weather report 🥴). These TikTok/YouTube “stars” make money living like kings off eyeballs, clicks and likes from companies who pay them! They have now grouped together signing deals with Netflix for an even larger audience, and generally wrecking havoc on our social culture.

But, influencers aren’t the point here and neither are their antics. The point is wisdom, personified as God Himself, will only call or warn for so long, then she will let you do what you are determined to do – even to the point of your own demise. Earlier in the chapter Wisdom shouts, cries and calls out to those who are simpletons (fools) and mockers. Here in these verses, she is done trying to convince youthful, boundary-less souls to change their ways. Now, she will not answer, she will remain hidden because they hated common sense knowledge and CHOSE not to fear God. You know that even though God can save a soul, He rarely saves us from the consequences of our sin.

Wisdom warns that the fruit of ignoring her is very bitter and she’ll laugh (vs 26) when we choke on our own selfish schemes. Exasperated, Wisdom says that fools are destroyed by their own complacency. You can run, play your games and lap up a sense of power, even wealth, feeling indestructible and untouchable. However, it won’t last forever and the end of that story, your story, will be a tragedy.

Here’s the good news! Proverbs wasn’t written for the wayward fool. Wisdom calls for the young who are looking for answers, for guidance purpose and direction. Wisdom speaks to the curious, the learner, the lonely.

Wisdom is not really trying to warn the influencers, she’s trying to warn the followers, millions of teens looking for entertainment, but aching to fill an unquenchable void in their lives. There are 2.47 billion zoomers (Genz) in the world and 68 million of them are here in the U.S. This is the population that Wisdom (God) wants to warn and win over.

I had to survive similar situations in the seventies, but it was nowhere near the level of difficulty today. Divorce and deadbeat Dads were just on the rise when I was a teen. Single parenting, blended families, “latch-key,” and all day preschool care were still outliers. Now, “intact” marriages are rare and fractured families are the norm.

Teens are raising themselves or worse leaning on highly addictive social media for guidance. Company’s don’t care about their souls, they are after their MONEY. Children and youth should not be left on their own to learn about life! Teachers and mental health hotlines, whether helpful or not, cannot be the foster parents for America’s children. America needs Wisdom. This generation needs God.

Prayer

Dad,
My heart aches and breaks for the disparity and despair in this next generation that needs You so desperately. I would have never made it without you. THEY will not make it without you. Pour out your Spirit on our zoomers! Lavishly distribute your wisdom among them. Show up in their dreams, whisper to them in their darkest moments. Be THEIR God, their father and mother. They are orphaned without your help.

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Wisdom in the hood.

Reading Time: 2 minutes

“My child, if sinners entice you, turn your back on them! They may say, “Come and join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent! Let’s swallow them alive, like the grave; let’s swallow them whole, like those who go down to the pit of death. Think of the great things we’ll get! We’ll fill our houses with all the stuff we take. Come, throw in your lot with us; we’ll all share the loot.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1‬:‭10‬-‭14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This scene played out in Proverbs feels way too calm and cavalier – like a dark comedy. It starts so charmingly simple… my child if sinners entice you. Wow! Really? This “enticement” is a gang of thugs planning to jump, murder and rob some innocent passer-by. There’s a even a New Testament version in the gospels on the treacherous and crime-filled road from Jerusalem to Jericho – “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.” Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭30‬ ‭NLT‬‬. Holy moly, did they have ancient gangs in Israel? Proverbs has this sounding like a bunch of J-Higher’s just out looking for trouble, but it’s so mercurially creepy – “hey let’s hide and kill someone just for fun today!” Was that world so cold and calloused? Yep. Is ours pretty much the same today? Yep. How’s that possible? Well, the human heart hasn’t changed much.

Is this how a young man or woman gets jumped into a gang by a simple invitation to play murder? Sadly, yes. Acceptance is huge when you feel abandoned. Have they no conscience, no sense of right and wrong, no feelings for others? Obviously not compared to belonging to something bigger and stronger than themselves. The gang IS family – warped and twisted, but they are together and the “child” would be seen and known.

Do you feel how ridiculous this all sounds? Does it leave you asking the question, “why is this in the Bible and treated so normal, so tolerated? Great! Then you understand this Proverb perfectly.

Without wisdom, discipline or a FATHER figure this is what we get. We get child-thugs without a moral compass or conscience! Get Godly wisdom, give Godly wisdom saving yourself, your kids and our nation.

Prayer

Dad,
It breaks my heart to see evil perpetrating on innocence so young. Yet I know from experience, if there are no responsible adults, no framework or boundaries to guide a child, they become victims of the thug mentality. Like feral cats or packs of coyotes they just romp and roam our neighborhoods looking for trouble “just for fun.” Help us God! Help us as bio parents, foster and adoptive parents and grandparents to do better to raise Godly children. Help us get wisdom and teach wisdom to the next generation.

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Riddle me this young Padawan.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Their purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young. Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Proverbs was written, likely as a school course for young men (according to Tim Keller). You just can’t get any clearer about the purpose of the book, the collection of the wise and their riddles. To teach people to live disciplined and successful lives.

Who doesn’t WANT discipline and success? Well, Proverbs also helps us with that answer in later chapters. We find it is the either the FOOL or the REBELLIOUS.

The rebellious is obvious. Throwing off constraints, doing what they think is right and ultimately whatever they want to do. They learn through bloody noses, broken bones and lots of trouble with parents and authorities. They feel invincible and indestructible, yet they tend to damage everything around them. What’s the greatest excuse the rebel uses later after burning down everything around them? Why didn’t someone stop me? Uh, because you wouldn’t listen.

The first group, the fool, is trickier. There are purposeful, malicious fools and the thick-headed, bumbling ones who can’t figure out why they have no real friends.

Proverbs is written to help people who want wisdom, to find it. And by warnings, to try to keep people from being the rebel or the fool, knowing they will not listen or heed any advice. The wise person admits they do not know and want to learn, the rebel cares about nothing but themself and the fool is sadly stuck in a loop for life.

Proverbs isn’t a casual read, one-and-done experience. It was written to be explored, held in tension and to experiment with the process. You read a Proverb like 16:9 when you’re young, then mediate on it in your 30’s, 40’s and beyond. “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” Like I’ve written before, I read one entire chapter of Proverbs every single day when I was 16 years old and did so until my 20’s. I determined to LIVE my life based on Proverbs 16:9.

I memorized verses, I learned that if I got wisdom it was the only way it would make up for my shyness and social awkwardness. When I started Proverbs I just wanted to be normal, by the time I was 20, I discovered that normal was overrated and boring. Actually, because of Proverbs I just wanted to be who God created me to be! I was differentiating from what the fakes and fads were trying to pull off while trying impress others. I would be stubbornly obedient to God, opposite of resolutely rebellious. I would run towards God not from Him. I would seek to cause good trouble, not backing down from a challenge. I would not ignore bad behaviors or choices of friends when I deeply loved them, even risking their friendship to tell them the truth. Remember, “better the wounds of a friend?” (27:6).

Proverbs sharpened my social skills and gave me an edge of godly perspective when life was challenging. Proverbs even gave me kind of sixth sense when people were lying to me, using excuses to hide from what they knew was true, or even twisting God’s Word to fit their circumstances. God used Proverbs to do just want Solomon wrote, teach me wisdom and discipline.

If you lack wisdom and discipline or your life feels out of control, commit to reading this 31 Day guide, then repeat as often as possible. NO ONE can do this for you! It isn’t a quick fix and can’t give you instant results, but it works! And, unlike all the other self help methods, this one is backed by Jesus himself – the very wisdom of God.

Prayer

Dad,
Where would I be, who would I be without you? Everything good that I have came from you. Every good and decent thought or behavior is there because of you. Your word has been and is a light shining ahead of my feet! As I look back, I am so grateful for your grace and abundant wisdom!

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Proverbs catches a conundrum.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭29‬:‭23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

How can God be all powerful, all knowing and all present and NOT be arrogant? Is pride the opposite of humility? Pride certainly destroys lots of things: relationships, trust, faith and opportunities. Pride and humility cannot share the same space. One defeats and displaces the other. Pride also has an oder, it stinks. People smell it and it’s repulsive. Don’t mistake confidence for pride either, one is admirable, the other deplorable.

The wisdom writers tell us that humility brings honor. Honor? I think honor only comes from the honorable. To the proud, humility brings jealousy and confrontational complexity.

Robin and I watched the brand new Season 3 of The Chosen the other day. This season is far more intimately gritty. Dallas Jenkins and the writing team have decided to dig deeply into the characters and our unique human dilemmas. Questions are asked that we’ve all wanted to ask, but have never had the guts or the platform to facilitate them.

In episode 3, Jesus returns to his childhood hometown of Nazareth. I don’t know how Dallas pulled it off but Jesus, played by Jonathan Roumie, comes off naturally, if not even awkwardly humble! Jesus is portrayed as an introvert!

And he’s not just quiet, he’s shy! He quietly arrives at night. The next day is a big celebration, a Jewish holiday that honors the day God created the world. Families and friends are all out in a field like a massive community fair. Word had spread about Jesus’ miracles and fame. Thousands had come to hear him speak, the paralyzed cure, possessed were freed from demonic slavery. The news was everywhere! Yet the writers chose to portray Jesus as almost embarrassed by all the attention! Roumie playing Jesus, deflected praise, and avoided direct questions of who he was. While playing a childhood game, they had Jesus LOSE after clumsily dropping the ball several times! When meeting with Jesus’ childhood teacher and master Rabbi. They had Roumie genuinely honoring his own teacher and giving us the feeling that it was strange to have the roles reversing as now the student was becoming the master.

Jesus, who IS God and had stared down power, veiled threats, demons and doubters, was seemingly uneasy with this shift happening in his own hometown. Oh, it’s all true, but we’ve never seen it acted out like this.

There is a scene in the local Nazareth synagogue where Jesus opens the scroll to read out of Isaiah. Roumie rolls it up and gives it back to the attendant. He then sits down and scans the room, his eyes taking in everyone that has known him and his family since he was born. His eyes, his body language are amazing. He stares at his mother, Mary. He stares at his own Rabbi. And as he stares you feel the angst and anticipation of what is about to happen. Dallas, puts you in the synagogue, the room packed with emotion.

Jesus, at this moment seems to struggle. He does not want to tell this group, his childhood friends, his own mother, and his Rabbi what MUST be revealed. It is the most powerful moment of humility that I have ever seen! Jesus, being fully God and fully human, understands the pain and confusion this news will bring to his family, friends and all of Nazareth. But Jesus HAS to tell them! He has to reveal what God has spoken, what God has declared as His will. “Today,” Jesus says, “this scripture has been fulfilled today.” In the show, the crowd that’s gathered gets super aggravated and aggressive and they press Jesus. The Rabbi comes out and asks him, are you saying you are greater than the law of Moses? Ahhhhh, here it is. How will Jesus respond, what will he say? Dallas had Roumie say this, “I AM the law of Moses!” It gave me chills, it made me cry. It wrecked me! And, it must have wrecked them as well, because they took him out on the cliffs in Nazareth to stone him for blasphemy!

Jesus would leave and never come back to his hometown because he said he was God, but didn’t act like they thought God should act!

Prayer

Dad,
When I think about humility and remember the stories Jesus told and lived. When I think about Jesus’ mannerisms and attitudes, his gentleness and kindness, it is then that I begin to understand how Your ways are above and mostly unknown to me! How could any of us be so arrogant, so puffy proud? Am I above God? Do we think we are better than you, know better than you and can finagle our own way without you? That’s just insanely ridiculous! I am sorry for my own arrogance and independence.

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Ancient radical candor.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This is principled wisdom that is supposed to help, not hurt. Yet, this rarely goes as planned. In my experience, both in being rebuked and wounded as well as being the rebuked and wound-er, it’s not as easy or smooth as it sounds.

This idea of fierce conversations (Susan Scott) or radical candor (Kim Scott) has been buzzing around business leadership conversations for 20 years. Both authors, which are not related, swear it’s not “front stabbing.” Why is it that business, can handle hard talk better? Is it because of money or paid personnel? Shouldn’t Christ followers be better at this?

The wisdom writers in teaching the young the ways of how the world really works (or should), tackled this eons ago. The Hebrew word here for rebuke is tôwkêchâh. It means to bring correction by reasoning, to lead to the truth. It’s an open argument verses some kind of backstabbing, behind-ones-back, relational triangulation to convince someone of a glaring blindspot. Relational triangulation is when we are too weak and afraid to have a one-on-one with a person, so we pull in another “friend” hoping that the person I am concerned about will eventually hear feedback through someone more brave than myself. It’s just gossip, disguised as love. Although there are courses and books about self awareness, we are rarely good at.

Proverbs says this open, corrective conversation is BETTER than hidden or concealed love. You know, like that crush you had in the third grade and everyone knew about it, but you didn’t have the guts to come out and admit it! It sounds like Proverbs is trying to get some things out in the open rather than socially or Minnesota-nicely trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. Then the wisdom writers compare and contrast this whole radical openness to wounds and kisses… well that’s just painful. Has a friend every accidentally poked you in the eye? Pushed you out of a tree? Tripped you in public? Oh, it hurts terribly. Seething anger swells up and you just want to punch your friend in the face. Ah, but then it’s over and you laugh about at the next 10 year reunion. Has an enemy ever hugged you or Judas-kissed you on the cheek and made your body shiver and blood run cold? Yep, you never forget that moment and certainly don’t laugh about it later. The proverb actually uses the phrase, deceitful kisses. Many modern translations just use the word “multiple.” Friends who truly love eventually find a way to tell you the truth.

When love has been proven, tested and verified, this is the only kind of friend you WANT to speak into your life. You give and get that kind of permission with those rare and cherished friendships. Maybe you don’t have those kinds of friends. Or maybe you don’t even have that ONE kind of friend. You need to. And, for those you really love, you also need to be that kind of friend. Proverbs is right, both correction and cuts are BETTER from a true friend.

Prayer

Dad,
It seems to me that the Holy Spirit has always been fierce and radical in corrections – at least with me. Oh, it’s always been gentle, but it was also quick and truthful. I would think this would be so good and healthy to have these open conversations with one another, in the body of Christ, the family of God. But I am so often defensive and reactive to this kind of feedback. You know I’ve been on the receiving end of it from friends and mentors. And, as expected, I pouted and complained about it for days or weeks. I can blame my childhood and lack of good discipline or boundaries growing up, but none of that is helpful as an adult. I need to receive and believe these rebukes especially from those I trust and know they have my best in mind. Thank you for continuing to help me grow and mature to a point that I can see and embrace these fierce moments. Amen.

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Waggling tongues and wanton hearts.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood. Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭26‬:‭20‬-‭22‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The wisdom writers have a hot sheet of character flaws in the human heart. And, in these hotbeds of emotions and relational problems, there are warnings and dire consequences. However, we believe we are immune to the poisonous effects because of one of the best excuses is, “well that’s not me!”

Here, we have a classic discussion about the words we spread about like the latest tasty receipt on Instagram. The writer compares gossipy girl/guy to a fire, a fight and a fantasy.

Fire needs three elements to exist – heat, fuel and oxygen. Conflict or revenge can be the heat, gossip is the fuel, and speaking words are the oxygen (we blow air when we talk). In a quarrel everyone knows it takes two to tango. And, a homemade treat is even better when shared, so gossip is given and gobbled down before someone questions the ingredients.

At our core, we are ALL a little soul-pyros, like fire-starters. I’ll be the first to admit that I live and love the world of good and not-so-good tidbits of information. Someone’s pregnant? I just can’t wait to tell everyone. Someone’s gone back into rehab – oh, so sad, I’ll just share that with someone in the guise of prayer. I don’t like to think that I CAUSED fires, fights and fantastic rumors, but I’m sure I’ve done it.

Proverbs calls out my proclivities and holds me accountable to repent and stops me from being a human pyro! I have no excuse. And, I can’t hide under the phrases like, “well it’s the truth,” or “I’m just trying to help,” or worse, “don’t they need prayer?” So it’s out, we’re all susceptible to these destructive sins. I just don’t want to be the chief fire-pyro.

Prayer

Dad,
Right between the eyes! Your Word is a dead shot. I would think I could avoid all these discoveries of my shadowed soul by just avoiding your word, your ways. I could just be happily oblivious to my sin and the damage it causes in all the lives and lives around me. You word, your light shining in the darkness reveals my weaknesses, my propensities, ugh… my selfishness. This is why I am thankful for your word and how your grace comes rushing in after seeing my sins reflected back and my confession coming out, purging my heart. Now, I just need your help to stop gossiping, drop on my knees and roll around in the truth to stop hurting myself and others.

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Don’t pour iodine in an open wound of the soul.

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.” Proverbs‬ ‭25‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

What is it about making everyone feel good or constantly being positive? The wisdom writers pitch a counterintuitive idea. How about NOT cheering someone up?

When I am down or processing difficult, even unpleasant situations happening in my own life, it’s not that I WANT to be negative or depressed. I’m not a masochist when it comes to suffering. However, I am trying to unravel, decode or possibly solve the reasons behind the heaviness, grief or big emotions. And when I am working hard to sift through the whole situation, whether it’s about me or not, the last thing I want is some fluffy, quick, trite, pick-me-up to instantly try to snap me back to feels-good. And, yes, it makes it worse when someone gives me, in that moment, a Bible verse about how I should feel. A Philippians or a “count it all joy,” comment is not helpful.

I know, I know, I know, people are just being kind and I absolutely have friends who live on the amazing promises of God that got them through the darkest moments of their life. I don’t want to be rude and brush them or their comments off. I just want people to try to understand the difference between being a friend who just sits in a really crummy moment with me and someone just trying quippy up because of the uncomfortableness of grief, pain or sorrow. Those emotions are very real and very necessary at times.

Jobs’ friends in 2:11-13 did something very right, “they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” Job was devastated by what happened to him and his kids and his friends, at this point, behaved bravely stellar!

Proverbs isn’t against cheering someone up or dispensing hope at appropriate times, it’s just asking folks to read the situation before saying something that would bring more pain. When grief or suffering can be like a warm coat in the cold of night, a friend comes along, singing a Mary Poppins tune and steals the one thing they need to bare the moment – a heavy heart. This is similar to another Proverb (27:14) about loudly greeting a neighbor in the morning. It’s just bad timing! So what is appropriate? Silence. A permission side-hug. A commiserating look of sadness. Even the simple words of consolation, “I am so sorry.” Maybe a quick prayer of God’s peace, his Shalom over them, would be nice. The last thing I want to do to a friend or have done to me is have Mercurochrome poured into an open wound of the soul.

Prayer

Dad,
It’s nice to know that grief, suffering or just awful traumatic experiences are just a normal part of life on this planet. I want people to be thoughtful to me and I to them when it comes to being vulnerable enough to share in these weighty moments. I am sure folks are well-meaning in their quick-fixes. I just don’t want to miss or mistake these moments for a light way to politely avoid awkwardness. Love can be awkward right? Thank you for your peace and comfort and our ability to enter into someone else’s pain to sit and join them for awhile.