Tag: Rage

Posted on

Trying to escape a calling.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“But Moses protested again, “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?” Then the Lord asked him, “What is that in your hand?” “A shepherd’s staff,” Moses replied. “Throw it down on the ground,” the Lord told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake! Moses jumped back.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Moses is the classic example of trying to dodge a clear, direct order from God. In Exodus chapter 3, God says, “Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.”

“I am sending you,” and “you must,” is pretty straightforward. Moses, having a common, self-reflecting moment, asks God the BIG question. “Who am I?” Wow. That’s a really good question to ask under normal circumstances!

We now live in a saturated milieu of self awareness – it’s expected that one knows their own faults and failures and are also well aware of their ability to harm others. Not everyone is there yet, but the expectation is culturally common. Comments like, “I didn’t know I was a bad mother”, or “I didn’t know I was an alcoholic, are met with suspicious surprise with little sympathy. The underlying idea is “you should have known, everyone else did!”

Did Moses know he had deep traumatic issues that grew into a hair-pin justice trigger, causing him to often snap with rage? Was he aware that his speech impediment was likely caused by his perceived abandonment and identity crisis? Moses question went far deeper than just a question of calling or capability, it hit a nerve of apparent failure to be the kind of man everyone expected him to be. “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” Exodus‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬.

God patiently addressed his question, but doesn’t tell Moses who Moses is or what he will become. God just says, “I will be with you.” Anyone who has struggled with mother or father abandonment issues knows how difficult it is to trust anyone! In Moses’ case, he wasn’t abandoned, because he was supposed to have been murdered by drowning him in the Nile. Moses’ mother, Jochebed, hid him for 3 months, then saved his life by life-rafting him down the river.

In a second volley of trying to get God to just move on and leave him alone, Moses asked God, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” Which is interesting because God already told him who He was, “I am the God of your father—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob,” causing Moses to pause and reflect on his extraordinary heritage. Moses’ father was Amram, but it’s unclear if Moses ever had a meaningful relationship with him. Moses was a rejected foster son in Pharaoh’s family. Moses boldly asks for God’s name and in that tender moment God tells Moses His personal, intimate name – “Yahweh,” God says.

Yet, even after God tells Moses He will go with him and allow Moses to use God’s personal credentials in an audience with the Pharaoh, Moses is still not convinced – he truly believes God is choosing the wrong man for the job! First it’s I’m not qualified, then it’s no one knows me, now it’s – what if they don’t believe me. Moses questions his convince-ability.

It is here that God allows Moses to have a crutch, a literal shtick, a physical object lesson to carry with him to boost his confidence – the humble shepherd’s staff that becomes a symbol of supernatural power! Moses continued beg God to choose someone else, even reminding Him of his speech impediment. Moses, was not able to get God to completely let him off the hook, but was happy that God allowed his brother Aaron to step in and be the spokesperson.

Prayer

​Dad,
What a journey to convince Moses not only of who he was – a leader, but who he would become, a great patriarch and hero in Your grand story, It seems as though Moses did grow to be a man of great faith, but always carried some of his sorrows and frustrations of his early life as a Jewish foster son in the house of Pharaoh. I see many folk’s trying to escape their calling, even when You assure them that You be will them and use them in the Kingdom of God. Thank you for your patience with all of us!

Posted on

Relationships on the dark planet called earth.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“Then David took an oath before Jonathan and said, “Your father knows perfectly well about our friendship, so he has said to himself, ‘I won’t tell Jonathan—why should I hurt him?’ But I swear to you that I am only a step away from death! I swear it by the Lord and by your own soul!” 1 Samuel‬ ‭20:3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This scene that takes place with David and Jonathon takes place with an “in-between” moment, a now but not yet. God has already yanked His Spirit from Saul and put it on David. God has already renounced and even regretted Saul being king and has anointed and appointed David as successor. But God allows Saul to live on and allows this whole drama to play itself out.

One of the big mysteries of God is all about this kind of scenario. Why doesn’t God step in, intervene and just kill Saul himself? I don’t think we’ll ever fully understand until we enter eternity. God takes on the questions and “bad press” but it doesn’t bother Him in the least. God has ways we will not understand.

David had this ability to read people and situations incredibly well. It’s one of his gifts as a leader. He starts as a shepherd, living in opens fields caring for the sheep and ends up in the palace in preparation to serve as Israel’s second king. He’s found a true friend in Jonathan. Remember, Jonathan is much older than David, likely by at least 20 years! So if David is in his twenties, Jonathan is in his forties at this point. David knows Saul wants him dead but also doesn’t want to begin the inevitable “run for his life” outlaw lifestyle.

Jonathan just can’t believe his own father has the capacity to kill someone like David, an innocent, gifted young man that has only done good for the king and country. Jonathan’s own codependency just thinks, “Dad has some anger issues,” and seriously underestimates the real danger within his own family. Jonathan had been covering for his own Dad for several years and did not understand the shift that took place when the Spirit of God left his Dad! How is that possible? How can a son or a wife or daughter or even a father miss the cues of behavioral change in the family? Because we want to believe in the best in our loved ones and often can minimize the red flags because it means that some serious work needs to happen before a family member truly goes off the rails – hurting themselves or others. There were signs and warnings all along but they were ignored!

Jonathan tells David, “You’re not going to die. He always tells me everything he’s going to do, even the little things. I know my father wouldn’t hide something like this from me. It just isn’t so!” Did you see that? I KNOW MY FATHER. Jonathan may have KNOWN his father, but didn’t recognize or chose to minimize when his behavior radically changed.

Until Saul turned on his own son and made it clear, “Saul boiled with rage at Jonathan. “You stupid son of a whore!” he swore at him. “Do you think I don’t know that you want him to be king in your place, shaming yourself and your mother?” Jonathan tried to reason with his dad and actually defended his friend David. That did not go well! “Then Saul hurled his spear at Jonathan, intending to kill him. So at last Jonathan realized that his father was really determined to kill David.” Saul, the king, the spear hurler and father explodes with uncontrollable anger. Who in their right mind let this guy have access to weapons when he has lost his sanity? Saul didn’t have the courage to spear-hurl Goliath, but he now he’s throwing a man-tantrum at his own son!

God lets humanity’s choices play out and rarely overrides free will, even to the point of allowing crazy leaders to make horrible decisions. I am glad this story and others are left IN the Bible and IN God’s grand story from creation, to redemption, to the final end when true justice and grace will make all things right again. Personally, I get a little sick of living on the dark planet. It is filled with beauty. And there is good amidst evil. I’m just weary of our own arrogance of denial.

PRAYER:

Dad,
I agree with the cry “come quickly Lord Jesus,” but not to get out of this existence or have a callous heart towards humankind. I ache for the end. For godly justice to be served instead of these weak imitations and excuses for justice that is just a smokescreen for more selfish, self-serving ideologies pretending to help or advance our culture, our world. Let your light shine bright through my life and the lives of true followers of Jesus.