Tag: Marriage

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Is God a prude?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭31‬-‭32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Only God would go where mortal men fear. This is Jesus, the revolutionary, speaking out on issues that were never spoken about in public. Jesus, being the light of the world, drags the deeds only done in darkness, only whispered behind closed doors, out into the open. No one exposes sin better than God. Is God a prude? Hardly.

He not only created us, but he also gave humans the free will to be and explore everything on the planet as well as everything about our own human body, soul and spirit. However, freedom doesn’t mean exploitation. Freedom doesn’t mean satisfying oneself at the expense and destruction of another. God is far more like a parent than he is catholic school teacher. He loves us.

Jesus dives into the most destructive side of our free will, exposing the dark and callous desires of our unbridled souls. Jesus just finished talking about adultery and put a hard stop on the issue of “thoughts verses physical deeds.” We all know that thoughts, good or bad, lead to behaviors. We do as we think about doing.

Here’s a thought Jesus pulled from our secret souls, “we don’t get to fantasize about destroying relationships by ‘having your way’ with whatever we set our eyes on!” Boom. That’s right. There are selfish sins against God and there’s a bunch of them against each other. The big TEN commandments were boundaries to PROTECT and preserve our relationship with God and one another. In fact four of the rules are about God, six are about each other.

These discussions in Matthew about relationship in sexual desire and covenant commitments in marriage are both about boundaries and behaviors. Yes, men were primarily called out and held responsible because, at that time, they were in power and the main offenders of these rules. God seriously and deeply cares about relationships, and Jesus highlights a couple of our major missteps in how we handle each other. No, a man or woman does not get to mentally strip, invade and exploit another human being just for fun! Neither do we get to make cheap promises.

Jesus goes after the frivolous way we treat our commitments, our covenants between a man and a woman. Moses wrote about a legal way to dissolve a marriage (Deut 24‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭NLT‬‬), although we’ve got to keep in mind, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). He HATES everything that is destructive to our relationships! Come on, are we not smart enough to figure out the never ending cycles of pain, suffering and financial ruin of our lives that come with divorce? Have we not seen the massive, deep hurts we deposit into children’s lives by dismembering their most trusted bond between their parents? Do we not recognize an entire generation of fatherless children because our parents were so self absorbed to just do whatever they felt like doing? Why are we mad at God and blame him for being a prude when we are obviously so foolish and blind to our own destructive desires and behaviors?

I am not an expert on divorce by any means. However, I had to pick up the broken shards of fragile glass in my own soul. My family, my heritage is littered with divorce and remarriage! My own adopted mother, searching for true love, safety and belonging went shopping for a man FOUR times. With her last attempt at relationship, she just gave up on the covenant of marriage and allowed a live-in looser to suck her life and finances dry for over a decade! I believe that Jesus is not only speaking TRUTH, he is also saving us from the LIES we tell ourselves and others. Here’s the facts, adultery and divorce destroys relationships and are toxic and deadly to everyone involved.

Prayer

Dad,
Forgive us oh God for we know what we do and what harm it causes, but we want to do it anyways. Save our children from our selfish foolishness.

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HOPEBROKER

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.” Luke‬ ‭14:26-27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

​All or nothing.

Yes, this is the part of the gospel story that we don’t often talk about. A relationship with God is not only primary, it’s all consuming. It is an all or nothing situation! Jesus saying, “by comparison,” our love for God, our consuming desire to follow, obey and dedicate our entire life to him makes it look like we don’t give a rip about all the other family responsibilities, including: dad, mom, wife kids and siblings. I would guess even grandparents, but they are not mentioned 😬. There are other Bible references that discuss this. Like, “eat of my flesh, drink of my blood” verses. Or, “be hot or cold, but never lukewarm.”

This idea that we are in and committed or were not and it’s all just a religious show. That ought to get our attention, right?

And, Jesus goes on to tell this crowd that is following him, “Count the cost first.” Jesus tells two examples, “who builds a building, or goes to war,” without figuring out what it costs, what it takes to win? I remember arguing this point with friends, especially in giving high pressure “altar” calls or guilt drives to make decisions for Christ.

Should someone believe in Christ, YES. Should they make a decision to follow Christ, YES. Shouldn’t they also count the cost, YES as well.

When I said yes to Jesus I didn’t know enough to look forward and see what it would cost me to follow him, especially thinking it would cost my entire life! But, you need to understand, I came to Christ knowing my life to that point felt WORTHLESS. And, I had no ability to see anything in my future but a giant black wall. No dreams of a career, marriage, kids, or white picket fence. From my perspective, there was no future! I was a broke beggar, so there was only nothing or with God – everything.

Yet still, I knew what I was doing; what I was giving up as well as receiving. I was giving up my life in exchange for God becoming my Dad, the father I never had. At that point, I had only experienced two loser Dads, the third being “psychopath Ben,” would come later.

If anyone is going to pressure folks into making a decision, I want it to be God himself, pushing and wooing – pitching His love and abundant grace. Not the fire escape plan or promises of prosperity and the “good life.” A relationship with God isn’t a way to escape hell, it’s walking with Him for eternity. Jesus promised an abundant life but it’s only after completely giving and surrendering our own life.

Yes, I’m all in and wouldn’t have it any other way. For me it’s not hating the family relationships in comparison, it’s more like hating the American Dream that everyone else seems driven to still pursue. In comparison to loving Jesus, I decided to hate the high paying cushy job, the open-space, multiple bathroomed house, two pets, multiple marriages, 2.5 kids and some grandchildren! I only wanted God and whatever He had for me. It is ironic, no, pure-comedy, that God gave me a job Pastoring people, one-wife-for life, kids, grandkids and a couple of dogs in a house with three bathrooms and a pool in the backyard! Figured that one out.

Prayer

Dad,
Really. How did I end up with so much when I started with so little? I had nothing. I was nothing. I was invisible and liked it that way. Now….well, I am not invisible that’s for sure. And I annoy people by being too chatty, too friendly, too weird and tell way to many stories that no one wants to listen to! Oh, the humor of heaven has been poured out on me. I got old and have stuff. I never imagined that possibility. I had no dreams and no hope. You… you gave me all of that and more. I am a hope broker because I was broke and you gave me the greatest gift of all – hope.