Tag: Self Awareness

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Trying to escape a calling.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“But Moses protested again, “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?” Then the Lord asked him, “What is that in your hand?” “A shepherd’s staff,” Moses replied. “Throw it down on the ground,” the Lord told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake! Moses jumped back.” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Moses is the classic example of trying to dodge a clear, direct order from God. In Exodus chapter 3, God says, “Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.”

“I am sending you,” and “you must,” is pretty straightforward. Moses, having a common, self-reflecting moment, asks God the BIG question. “Who am I?” Wow. That’s a really good question to ask under normal circumstances!

We now live in a saturated milieu of self awareness – it’s expected that one knows their own faults and failures and are also well aware of their ability to harm others. Not everyone is there yet, but the expectation is culturally common. Comments like, “I didn’t know I was a bad mother”, or “I didn’t know I was an alcoholic, are met with suspicious surprise with little sympathy. The underlying idea is “you should have known, everyone else did!”

Did Moses know he had deep traumatic issues that grew into a hair-pin justice trigger, causing him to often snap with rage? Was he aware that his speech impediment was likely caused by his perceived abandonment and identity crisis? Moses question went far deeper than just a question of calling or capability, it hit a nerve of apparent failure to be the kind of man everyone expected him to be. “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” Exodus‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬.

God patiently addressed his question, but doesn’t tell Moses who Moses is or what he will become. God just says, “I will be with you.” Anyone who has struggled with mother or father abandonment issues knows how difficult it is to trust anyone! In Moses’ case, he wasn’t abandoned, because he was supposed to have been murdered by drowning him in the Nile. Moses’ mother, Jochebed, hid him for 3 months, then saved his life by life-rafting him down the river.

In a second volley of trying to get God to just move on and leave him alone, Moses asked God, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” Which is interesting because God already told him who He was, “I am the God of your father—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob,” causing Moses to pause and reflect on his extraordinary heritage. Moses’ father was Amram, but it’s unclear if Moses ever had a meaningful relationship with him. Moses was a rejected foster son in Pharaoh’s family. Moses boldly asks for God’s name and in that tender moment God tells Moses His personal, intimate name – “Yahweh,” God says.

Yet, even after God tells Moses He will go with him and allow Moses to use God’s personal credentials in an audience with the Pharaoh, Moses is still not convinced – he truly believes God is choosing the wrong man for the job! First it’s I’m not qualified, then it’s no one knows me, now it’s – what if they don’t believe me. Moses questions his convince-ability.

It is here that God allows Moses to have a crutch, a literal shtick, a physical object lesson to carry with him to boost his confidence – the humble shepherd’s staff that becomes a symbol of supernatural power! Moses continued beg God to choose someone else, even reminding Him of his speech impediment. Moses, was not able to get God to completely let him off the hook, but was happy that God allowed his brother Aaron to step in and be the spokesperson.

Prayer

​Dad,
What a journey to convince Moses not only of who he was – a leader, but who he would become, a great patriarch and hero in Your grand story, It seems as though Moses did grow to be a man of great faith, but always carried some of his sorrows and frustrations of his early life as a Jewish foster son in the house of Pharaoh. I see many folk’s trying to escape their calling, even when You assure them that You be will them and use them in the Kingdom of God. Thank you for your patience with all of us!

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Aware of who we are.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath. ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭39‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Psalm 39 is a gritty, honest look at ourselves. It is a prayer of David expressing his awareness of his sin, mortality, and God’s judgment. It may seem negative and strange to focus on these dark, moody expressions of life itself. David so poetically writes about our existence as we pass through our time here on earth. ”We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.” Wow, merely moving shadows? So deep. And, “Listen to my cries for help! Don’t ignore my tears. For I am your guest— a traveler passing through, as my ancestors were before me.”

It is these kinds of Psalms that helped me process a lot of angsty emotions as a young believer. David’s own words allowed me to learn to be completely open and honest before God in my prayers. So often deep, dark or even disturbing thoughts are considered to be wrong or inappropriate to even have, let alone talk about. David’s words do take us through some “Radical Candor” moments, but what would be the point of hiding or denying circumstances and feelings denying to process the full range of emotions in this life.

Some moments are so high that David seems to explode in praise to God – not here in 39 of course! Others, like this Psalm wind down to the depths, even focusing on how short our lives seem to be, “Each of us is but a breath.” BTW, this Psalm was inserted at the end of David’s life. It seems to reflect the perspective of someone who has lived long enough to realize how slow time moves when you’re young and how quickly the sand moves through the hourglass of life as we age. Time, perspectives and even emotions are so different moving through life. When young, time moves slow and emotions are raw and extreme. When old, time often slips trying to get traction of what happened today, yesterday or even this month! And our emotions seem to get foggy as we age, a little dulled and definitely delayed. “Wasn’t I just angry at God?” “What about? I do not know.” “I shall just forget about it and move on!” “Was I happy yesterday?” I seem to remember a few captivating moments, “I may have been!”

I can imagine David looking back over his life as he stretches out his much older, much wrinkled hand. He stares at it, remembering how it gripped the sling or sword back in the day. As he draws a line across his hand in his own mind, he writes, “yeah, that’s about the length of my life.”

Prayer

​Dad,
Being human is such an interesting mystery, even a dilemma. Mix in a high level of inventive autonomy along with a broken sense of morality and purpose and we are a glorious MESS. We are basically an emotional swamp filled with beauty and bewilderment all swimming around together. It truly means we depend on you to sort us out and suss out the helpful emotions from the destructive ones. I’m not complaining, I think it’s amazing when I realize the scope of high highs down to the lowest of lows. Having emotions and safely being able to share them with you feels like it’s the only route to sanity. Thank you for knowing and loving the real me! Amen.

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SA – Spiritual Awareness

Reading Time: 2 minutes 
“People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.” Proverbs‬ ‭21:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I don’t know if you follow this trend idea but emotional intelligence and self awareness are HUGE buzz words in leadership and engagement with teams. Emotional intelligence is the ability to “read the room.” That room may one person you said something offensive or insensitive to and didn’t even know it. That room may be filled with coworkers and you’ve told some old distasteful joke and everyone gets quiet, but you don’t notice. Self awareness is taking a read on your own words and behaviors. Both phrases have the ability to check yourself when you’ve gone verbally rabid. IF, you have a decent EQ score.

This wisdom proverb catches a layer of humanity that goes further, deeper into our soul. How many of us can be Spiritually intelligent or aware? Can we improve and get better at such things? I believe that followers of Jesus, who are soaked in the Spirit of God, can and will work on listening to the voice of God!

And do so not just to check ourselves but check the spiritual situational awareness around us as well. We MAY be correct in our perspective and rights, but to tap into what God is doing goes far beyond our own will and desires. There are so many Bible verses about how we humans look at each other. We judge by what we see. Of course, when it comes to others “seeing” us we want to be judged our past, our story, our reasons for what we said or did. However, in every interaction of relationship there’s a third party perspective- God himself. What does God see, what does God want? God always looks into and examines our hearts.

God looked into Cain’s heart, the firstborn son of Adam and Eve and saw his outward appearance, “Why do you look so dejected?” the Lord asked Cain. But God simultaneously looked into his heart and openly addressed it with Cain. God said, “Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Genesis‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬. Who better to peer into the mysterious areas of our own thoughts, feelings and attitudes but God? Of course our actions and behaviors are important and matter, both good and evil. But God sees the motivations behind our behaviors.

For me, Spiritual Awareness always starts with myself before I ever venture out to poke around in other people’s hearts. I always tell our family about situational awareness, knowing who and what is happening around them at all times while in public places. I need to balance that by also talking about our spiritual awareness of not just ourselves but also those around us.

Prayer

Dad,
As believers, I think we all need to increase our spiritual awareness. Not just to take a read on ourselves but also to read the room where others may be hurting. Can you help us remember that your always watching and always working?

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Wisdom doesn’t celebrate April fools.

Reading Time: 3 minutes 
“You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding.” Proverbs‬ ‭8:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Ok, today’s proverb is too perfect for the calendar! It’s April Fool’s Day. A day that used to be filled with jokes, puns, tricks and stunts you’d play on your teacher, co-worker, boss, family or friend. It should just be called “prank” day but apparently on tiktok or IG that’s everyday.

Proverbs is filled with this word fool. And, basically there are only four different Hebrew words used. In this one verse, two of them are used – kesil & pthiy. These two would be the most used words for fool and they are both the more innocent words, describing folks who are slow or simple.

Don’t misread these as critical for those born with special needs or some kind of diminished mental capacity or delays in learning. That is NOT what proverbs is about.

These fools are fools by behavior, choice, regular consistent lifestyle decisions that leaves them vulnerable by lack of learning. The fact that wisdom is BEGGING them to see, hear and make changes, reinforces the idea that they are this way because of sin, or selfish stubbornness.

The wisdom writers have wisdom personified, calling out to the “kesil” stupid, dullard, fool. And says to use good judgment. This is the word, prudence. It is interesting because this specific Hebrew word is a normally a negative word, but here it is to be used and applied POSITIVELY for the one who ALWAYS seems to be taken advantage of. There are to learn and apply some shrewdness or craftiness. Think about this. Sometimes the simple are always being mistreated unfairly because they’ve never learned the art of reading other people’s motives. They become victims of a continuous cycle because they’ve got this emotional target on their back that says “kick me.” Wisdom says, take off the sign and start paying attention to being ripped off! Quit “believing in others” to the point of sacrificing your own self worth and self respect. Get some shrewdness, LEARN to find your voice and stand up for yourself.

To the “pthiy” fool. The simple, perhaps open-minded, (when used negatively the root word, pathah, means open – like an airhead). Wisdom has some different advice, she says show some understanding – the word “bin”: to discern. For these folks who are silly (i.e. seducible) and may love playing the clown or enjoying the momentary attention that this “act” may bring. Wisdom calls out their nonsense and gives stern warning that this lifestyle is filled with heartache and they will continue to be the beneficiary of bad “luck”. It’s not bad luck, it’s just sad to see them live down to the worst of what others see and never apply themselves to change. This again is someone who constantly leans on an apparent ease of apathy, of no concerns for anything serious or consequences of inaction. Their perception of themselves and the world around them is a perpetual lie! Wisdom’s advice, start filling your head with something of substance, like knowledge or passion, or God’s word. Quit living life with a helium-filled brain!

If these two words describe you in anyway – you CAN CHANGE. Do not believe the lie that life will never get any better or that you can never be anything different. If you know a “fool,” love them, but be straight with them. Call them up to better. See their potential and constantly remind them of a future that is good. Offer help and feedback to get them unstuck and moving forward.

Have fun with the day of pranks, but please don’t play the fool.

PRAYER:

Dad,
I am so thankful for your wisdom. You are an amazing father to the fatherless and you do such a good job training us in wisdom, discernment and discipline.