“But Moses protested again, “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?” Then the Lord asked him, “What is that in your hand?” “A shepherd’s staff,” Moses replied. “Throw it down on the ground,” the Lord told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake! Moses jumped back.” Exodus 4:1-3 NLT
Moses is the classic example of trying to dodge a clear, direct order from God. In Exodus chapter 3, God says, “Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.”
“I am sending you,” and “you must,” is pretty straightforward. Moses, having a common, self-reflecting moment, asks God the BIG question. “Who am I?” Wow. That’s a really good question to ask under normal circumstances!
We now live in a saturated milieu of self awareness – it’s expected that one knows their own faults and failures and are also well aware of their ability to harm others. Not everyone is there yet, but the expectation is culturally common. Comments like, “I didn’t know I was a bad mother”, or “I didn’t know I was an alcoholic, are met with suspicious surprise with little sympathy. The underlying idea is “you should have known, everyone else did!”
Did Moses know he had deep traumatic issues that grew into a hair-pin justice trigger, causing him to often snap with rage? Was he aware that his speech impediment was likely caused by his perceived abandonment and identity crisis? Moses question went far deeper than just a question of calling or capability, it hit a nerve of apparent failure to be the kind of man everyone expected him to be. “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11.
God patiently addressed his question, but doesn’t tell Moses who Moses is or what he will become. God just says, “I will be with you.” Anyone who has struggled with mother or father abandonment issues knows how difficult it is to trust anyone! In Moses’ case, he wasn’t abandoned, because he was supposed to have been murdered by drowning him in the Nile. Moses’ mother, Jochebed, hid him for 3 months, then saved his life by life-rafting him down the river.
In a second volley of trying to get God to just move on and leave him alone, Moses asked God, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” Which is interesting because God already told him who He was, “I am the God of your father—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob,” causing Moses to pause and reflect on his extraordinary heritage. Moses’ father was Amram, but it’s unclear if Moses ever had a meaningful relationship with him. Moses was a rejected foster son in Pharaoh’s family. Moses boldly asks for God’s name and in that tender moment God tells Moses His personal, intimate name – “Yahweh,” God says.
Yet, even after God tells Moses He will go with him and allow Moses to use God’s personal credentials in an audience with the Pharaoh, Moses is still not convinced – he truly believes God is choosing the wrong man for the job! First it’s I’m not qualified, then it’s no one knows me, now it’s – what if they don’t believe me. Moses questions his convince-ability.
It is here that God allows Moses to have a crutch, a literal shtick, a physical object lesson to carry with him to boost his confidence – the humble shepherd’s staff that becomes a symbol of supernatural power! Moses continued beg God to choose someone else, even reminding Him of his speech impediment. Moses, was not able to get God to completely let him off the hook, but was happy that God allowed his brother Aaron to step in and be the spokesperson.
Prayer
Dad,
What a journey to convince Moses not only of who he was – a leader, but who he would become, a great patriarch and hero in Your grand story, It seems as though Moses did grow to be a man of great faith, but always carried some of his sorrows and frustrations of his early life as a Jewish foster son in the house of Pharaoh. I see many folk’s trying to escape their calling, even when You assure them that You be will them and use them in the Kingdom of God. Thank you for your patience with all of us!