“O God, you know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from you. Don’t let those who trust in you be ashamed because of me, O Sovereign Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Don’t let me cause them to be humiliated, O God of Israel. For I endure insults for your sake; humiliation is written all over my face. Even my own brothers pretend they don’t know me; they treat me like a stranger.” Psalms 69:5-8 NLT
King David, writing much of the psalms, had some real self-reflection, self-awareness moments throughout the book of songs. Oddly, this psalm was an actual song David sung, because the Bible translators give an accompaniment – to the tune of “Lilies.”
We might think that leaders across the spectrum of all our own societal structures as stalwart, solid, sure and absolutely arrogant in their bravado. At a time when trust is at its lowest, I wonder if David’s honest humility might be more appropriate, even in modern times of crisis. David writes and sings these psalms of confession, these admitted weaknesses and failures. This is such a loud voice in these seasons of “church hurt.” David’s line jumps off the page when I think of our own context today, “Don’t let those who trust in you be ashamed because of me, O Sovereign Lord of Heaven’s Armies.” I was just talking with a friend and saying something similar. Leaders, like church folk, are not perfect! Mistakes will be made, hot words will be spoken and slow responses to bad actors in the body of Christ will be apparent. Will I be the leader, the under-shepherd/pastor to hurt others? Maybe it’s inevitable. But can I own the fact that I have and will make mistakes, behaving un-Christlike in the way I handle people. Can I admit when I’m wrong, own it and apologize? These are apparently rare traits in societal leadership today. It’s more like blame, coverup, and lie your way out of it!
David owned his sin and his failures. He even put some of them to song! However, earlier in this psalm he wrote a lot about sinking in a sea of misappropriated responsibility. He owned up to his part, but would not take the fall for his enemies lust for power and control.
I love this phrase he writes, “Even my own brothers pretend they don’t know me; they treat me like a stranger.” Have you ever sinned and had to face the consequences among friends and family? Have you ever made horrible choices that almost destroyed your life and hurt those around you? Uh… David did as well. Most people feel as though they can’t face the people that knew them BEFORE things fell apart. They feel the shame-stare moments, believing that all eyes are on them in judgment and dismissal. David felt that. He even had this as a line in his song, “I am the favorite topic of town gossip, and all the drunks sing about me” (vs 12). Read the rest of Psalm 69, you’ll discover you are not alone. It wasn’t the end of David’s life, nor will it be the end of yours. Come back, come home, endure the pain, push through the shame and do what David did, “…I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.”
Prayer
Dad,
I do not want to be the kind of pastor that makes mistakes, especially when it comes to hurting others – but I know I have and will continue to do so. I can’t promise to not make them, but I can promise to try to own them and humbly apologize and reconcile when I do. However, I decided early on, that I will not let anyone or anything create distance between you and me! I will not allow anyone’s bad behavior to wedge into my relationship with you. I will not give the enemy that kind of foothold into my life! Help me, help us, Oh Lord to continue to be people of forgiveness and reconciliation. Help me show mercy, even as you have show me mercy. Show grace, because you gave me grace. Amen.